Facing Self-Doubt
I’m laying in bed, but my self-doubts arise whenever I set down my phone (aka my distraction). So many thoughts flood my mind that it’s too overwhelming to allow continuing. I doubt my ability to be good enough, I worry I’m not smart enough, I’m scared that everything I’ve worked on so far will be lost if I fail. It’s not just about me now, it’s about my girlfriend too. It’s about making a “better” (life isn’t not bad now) life for us and our potential kids.
Lately, I’ve been pondering how I’ve allowed myself to become so stressed. I’ve recently been thinking back on older times and try to recall how I thought back then. Back then I would have been able to see my current worries as trivial. I knew that worrying was a hindrance on performance. I would block the doubt from my mind and focus only on the task at hand.
I’m not sure how I learned to not worry, I knew to acknowledge that I was limiting myself by giving in to fear and self-doubt. Fear (in most instances) is the assumption of a potentially undesirable outcome. Our perception of a potential outcome seems real to us, and we physically, mentally and emotionally react to that hypothetical outcome. When I started going to the gym is when I realized how fear could stunt my growth. I was doing an unfamiliar exercise and I’d look around to see if people were looking at me. I was afraid they were judging my bad form or my obesity.
My fears of what other people MAY have been thinking affected how I performed. Every time I was wondering if anyone was looking at me, I wasn’t thinking about what was important in that moment. what was important was my form, breathing, and counting. When I gave into my insecurities I began to notice fascinating effects. I performed worse at the gym in my brief (or extended) moments of insecurities. I felt weaker, lost count of my reps, and found it harder to motivate myself to continue.
Some world argues that insecurity is not a choice, but I would beg to differ. I think gaining confidence takes training, just like physical strength. Whenever I realized I was focusing on others, I softly (but firmly) repeated words like “focus!” or, “two more reps!” Little did I know that these short mantras were training my brain. Over time I stopped thinking about what others were thinking of me altogether. This absence of fear did not go unnoticed, I started to apply this to other areas of my life.
How Do I Improve?
So now the question is where do I go from here? My mission is to practice putting myself in a state of regular intense focus. This means that I’m only thinking about the task at hand, not hypothetical outcomes. Building this habit is harder than it sounds, it’s important to start simple and build off the experiences. Meditation is my (re)starting place, it has always been a place of comfort for me in great times of stress and worry.
We all have our own mental struggles that we go through, but they don’t define our outcome. It’s important to acknowledge and assess inner turmoil. The man who struggles with fear believe that productive people simply “stay positive”, but it isn’t as simple as that. Many have learned to acknowledge their fears, but not let those fears affect the choices/actions they take/make. Choosing to believe that you have control of your thoughts is how you can start to make that shift in mindset. Acknowledging my fears but not giving in to them allows me to find new ways of thinking and doing things that I would never have discovered otherwise. In doing so I learn that I’m capable of more than I ever knew possible.
Continuing Self-Improvement
If you want to learn more about becoming more proactive in your life I recommend the book I’m currently reading, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by: Steven Covey. If you don’t have much time, and travel often recommended using audible. Go to www.taviannapier.com/audible for a free trial.