A Waking Dream
Have you ever been so stressed that it began to affect you sleep, your mentality, even you health?In the past, I’ve been so stressed I began to experience something called a false awakening. Vivid and convincing dreams about awakening from sleep, while the dreamer in reality continues to sleep. I was aware of being home, but would dream that I was also at work, and could not separate the dream from reality. I was trapped, Thinking I was at work, and there was nothing I could do about it. Depressed set in, I wasn’t motivated to do anything productive when I was home. It effected my relationships with my family and other loved ones. What could be causing all of this stress?
Sources Of Stress
My jobs were the source of this stress, but why did I put myself through this kind of torture? Did I think I wasn’t good enough to deserve better? What was it that kept me where I was? Was it complacency? Did I believe that it wouldn’t get any better? My level of concentration went down my performance at work began to decline as a result. This didn’t go unnoticed by my higher-ups and only added to my already growing stress.
We all have our reasons for staying in bad situations, but what keeps us from thinking we can find a better one? I dare to say a big part of it, is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what we think may happen, fear of the pain it will cause, fear of what others may perceive us.
I have a very close friend that has been married for over 30 years. For as long as I’ve known her, her relationship with her husband has been very strained. I asked her why she was still married to a man who treated her badly. Her response? “How am I going to take care of myself? I don’t have any money, I don’t have a job to support myself.” I was stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t expect that kind of response, I could do nothing to help her and it broke my heart. For most of the relationship, the husband was the primary bread-winner. She didn’t have the know-how, or money to survive on her own. Sure she loves her husband in some form, but it is the fear of not being able to survive on her own that has her paralyzed from living her own life.
A huge change in lifestyle can be a very hard pill to swallow, especially when it’s unplanned. So, what do we do? Do we risk rocking the boat, or do we stay where it’s safe, but uncomfortable? When and how do we decide to move on? One great reference I came across is an article by Jacquelyn Smith Titled, 14 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Job.
Where To Start?
We should start by valuing ourselves more. Expect more out of ourselves and our lives. We weren’t put here to work towards another person’s dream. We’re here to make our own come true. Why are each of us born with free will, and a one-of-a-kind mind if we are meant to do as others do, and believe what others already believe? Let’s be our own people and pave our own roads. I’m not saying we should up and quit our jobs and leave our spouses right away, but what I am saying is if you are unhappy, find a way to fix it. Start planning and moving towards things that serve you, not the other way around.
F.E.A.R.
Role models like Zig Ziglar and Les Brown often say “fear” stands for False Evidence Appearing Real, and that has stuck with me. I refuse to believe that we should sacrifice our happiness, health, and sanity because of fear. Our happiness is worth fighting for. It can be scary and there are unknowns, but living with regret can be far more painful. We have this one beautiful life, let’s not squander, let’s live it.